Happy New Year Jokes 2020 Wishes, Quotes, Messages

Why do not you share cool new year jokes with your friends? Following are the latest collection of Happy New Year jokes that are absolutely suitable to share with friends and loved ones.

Image Source: PixelRill.com

Image Source: PixelRill.com

(New Year Jokes, Jokes on New Year, Happy New Year Jokes, For Happy New Year Wishes,Happy New Year Wishes, Message For Happy New Year, Beautiful Happy New Year 2020, Good Morning Happy New Year, Happy New Year All Friends, Happy New Year Celebration, Wishing You a Happy healthy and Prosperous New year, Wishing You All a Happy New Year)

New Year Jokes

Check these cool new year Jokes.

My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
I have a New Year's Revolution

And it's to spell-check everything before posting!
A friend asks his friend 4 a cigrtte. His friend says
I think u made a Nw Yr resolution 2 quit smoking.
Da man says. I am in da process of quitting.Right now
I am in da middle of phase 1. What's phase 1?
I've quit buying
My New Years resolution is

to build a Velcro wall and I am sticking to it!
Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
New Years Joke

A 17 year old male walks into a drug store. He says "I've been invited to New Years dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean" Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack."
I can't wait till New Year's Day, 2021.

Then I can say hindsight is really 2020.
My Strategy to Stop Drinking for A New Years Resolution...

It’s simpleI’ll only take a drink every time I see a pro-republican post get popular on Reddit.
With a New Year I have started a new work out routine...

Doing diddly squats morning, noon, and night
My New Year Resolution for 2018 is...

Buying bitcoin in 2011!
Knock Knock! Who's there?
Merry and Happy!
Merry and Happy who?
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
A: I haven't seen you for a year!
I don't like these Chinese New Year celebrations

They tend to Drag-on.
If your left leg is Christmas and your right leg is New Year...

can i visit you between holidays?
I'm planning on finding new and interesting things
to hate about my job in 2020
Nw Yr's Day: Now is da accepted time 2 make ur regular annual
good resolutions. Next week u can begin paving hell with dam as usual.
Progression of the New Year's resolution:

Exercise Exercis Exerci Exerc Exer Exe Ex E
A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"

Wish You A Very Happy and Prosperous New Year 2020

Jokes on New Year

Check some more cool jokes on New Year. (Happy New Year Jokes)

My new years resolution was to hit the gym more often.

But I'm on my fourth car this year now. This is getting kind of expensive and I think the police are suspicious.
Some people say that going to bars on St. Patrick's Day and New Year's Eve is "amateur hour."

But that's just because they don't have a sponsor yet.
A friend asks his friend 4 a cigrtte. His friend says
I think u made a Nw Yr resolution 2 quit smoking.
Da man says. I am in da process of quitting.Right now
I am in da middle of phase 1. What's phase 1?
I've quit buying
Happy new year 2019!

Did you just assume I'm on a Gregorian calendar?
Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
How do they say “Happy New Years” in Australia?

sɹɐǝ⅄ ʍǝN ʎddɐH
A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"
An old woman called her husband during his drive home on New Year's Eve

"Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!""It's not just one car, dear. There’s hundreds of them!!!"
Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
My New Year revolution is

to never use autocorrect again.
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
When to stop saying happy new year

My manager asked me when he should stop saying happy new year. My immediate response was, "Probably after the next mass shooting."
John, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Dave, and asks for a smoke.

I thought you made a New Year's resolution and that you don't smoke, Dave says.

I'm in the process of quitting,replies John with a grin. I am in the middle of phase one.Phase one, asks David.

Yeah, laughs John,I've quit buying.
Knock Knock! Who's there?
Merry and Happy!
Merry and Happy who?
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
New Year's is just a holiday
created by calendar companies
which don't want you reusing last year's calendar
Me and my girlfriend are going to play a special game of "7 minutes in heaven" on New Years Eve

Except instead of a closet we'll be in a bed, and instead of a girlfriend it'll be my hand, and instead of 7 minutes it'll be 30 seconds.
Just listened that in 2020 there will be a new device that can turn thoughts into words.
I have had that for years, it's called alcohol.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! My resolutions are:

1) Stop writing lists.

B) Be more consistent.

7) Learn to count.

(New Year Jokes, Jokes on New Year, Happy New Year Jokes, For Happy New Year Wishes,Happy New Year Wishes, Message For Happy New Year, Beautiful Happy New Year 2020, Good Morning Happy New Year, Happy New Year All Friends, Happy New Year Celebration, Wishing You a Happy healthy and Prosperous New year, Wishing You All a Happy New Year)

Latest New Fresh Jokes on New Year (2020)

Following are the latest new Jokes on New Year. Read, Laugh and Share with your family members.

In 2020, may your neighbours respect you,
problems neglect you, angels protect you,
and heaven accepts you.
It's a little late for a New Year's resolution, But I think it's for the better.

I've decided to go full Vegan. I won't be eating animals anymore. *Just* Vegans.
My New Year revolution is

to never use autocorrect again.
You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution

My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!
My New Year's resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants

Roll on 2018
This year I'm keeping my new year's resolution simple

Everything in 1080p.
Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?

A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
Finally decided to introduce my girlfriend to my family for New Years, but they just would not get along.

My wife can be such a b!tch during the holidays.
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise."
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang
I'm going to go buy some condoms for New Years

That way when I end the year in a bang, it doesn't have to be in my socks
For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more weed.

But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.
Just listened that in 2020 there will be a new device that can turn thoughts into words.
I have had that for years, it's called alcohol.
My New Years resolution for 2019 is to be more assertive

if that's okay with you guys?
Why is 6 afraid of 9 on New Years Eve?

Because 9, 8, 7....
My New Years resolution is

to build a Velcro wall and I am sticking to it!
My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.

I don’t have a clue how I’m going to get all that done by tomorrow.
My New Years resolution is 1080p.